


Juno Steel and the Terror of Domestic Bliss

by This_Witch_Writes



Series: Family Circus [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Juno still projects a little, Morning Cuddles, Other, Panic Attacks, Peter Nureyev Needs a Hug, Police, Vacation, police harassment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Witch_Writes/pseuds/This_Witch_Writes
Summary: A follow on from "Juno Steel and the Other Nureyev" as promisedTwo weeks visiting friends and family in Hyperion City? What could go wrong? Dinners, storage lockers, crazy coincidences, police discrimination, eavesdropping, arguments, open and honest communication and sappy declarations of love.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: Family Circus [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211696
Comments: 18
Kudos: 26





	1. Day 1: Juno

Things no one expected to see: Juno Steel and Peter Nureyev queuing at a grocery store, Juno and Peter meeting old friends for lunch, Juno and Peter staying with the in-laws. Well they aren’t really my in-laws obviously but Nureyev’s sister has a caustic sense of humour and her wife Angela isn’t much better. And even though I blush like a teenager every time I think it, they’ve driven into my goddamn head.

It’s like this: one day a grumpy detective with depression met an identity-swapping thief with anxiety and fell in love. Then he screwed it up and spent a year nearly dying to learn life lessons instead of just paying for therapy until they got to meet again. They got their second chance but the thief had debts and keeping them a secret meant he nearly screwed it up that time. But instead, at the last second, he trusted their family and made a plan. That’s when the thief’s long lost secret sister reappeared to everyone’s surprise, real plot twist that one, and she was pissed and the thief very nearly screwed that up too but didn’t because family is all about second chances apparently. So when the heists were pulled and the goods fenced and the pirate captain married to her assassin doctor it was time for a well-earned break.

Which is how I came to be waking up in Regina and Angie Nureyev’s guest room, in a bed with soft white sheets, with Peter Nureyev dosing against my shoulder and the sounds of his seven-year-old niece Petra laughing from outside the room. We were visiting for a couple of weeks so that Nureyev could finally meet his niece and sister-in-law and get reacquainted with Regina after nearly two decades apart. The smell of breakfast started seeping through the door and my patience ran out.

Pushing his soft, black hair back from his face, I pepper light kisses along Nureyev’s brow and eyelids. I knew he’d woken the second I touched him but he kept his eyes shut pretending as I worked my way across his cheekbones and jawline then down to his neck.

‘You’re fooling no one ‘reyev,’ I muttered into his collarbone.

That sharp smile appeared at the same time as his bright eyes and two arms tightening around my waist. ‘Good morning, love. Were you in the middle of something?’

‘How do you know I wasn’t done already?’ I teased just to see the way his bottom lip caught on his teeth a little when he pouted. With that tiny victory to energise me I carried on across his shoulders, kissing his knuckles and fingers in turn until he started to laugh and rolled us over so he could kiss my nose. Then I asked. ‘Breakfast?’ And he nodded.

While we were getting dressed, neither of us mentioned the unusual situation. Nureyev had been so tense on the way here, so terrified of disappointing Regina, of being some sort of danger to her family, that seeing him relaxed wasn’t a bubble I wanted to burst. Dinner had gone very well but this had been a very last minute trip, we had no plan, and I wasn’t optimistic that Nureyev had just gotten over all his fears in 24 hours.

As if to prove my point, he hesitated just for a second at the door. Then he looked over his shoulder at the mirror on the dresser where he’d dumped out his cosmetics the night before.

‘She’s not going to think you’re playacting because you put on eyeliner you know,’ I prompted, making him jump. Nureyev gave me that fondness layered over panic look he got sometimes when he felt a little too _known_.

He put the eyeliner on but took the heels off. ‘At least while I’m in the house,’ he said, almost as much to the shoes as to me. ‘A compromise.’

I didn’t bother asking him who he thought he was compromising with. This was Nureyev’s insecurity and if he wanted to deal with it by talking to his shoes – well I’d seen worse coping mechanisms. Hell I’d had worse coping mechanisms.

So cat-eyed and bare-foot he led the charge to the kitchen where Regina, Angie and Petra were sitting.

‘Morning sleeping beauties,’ Regina smirked at us over her coffee but her eyes said some part of her was surprised we were still here. ‘I thought I was going to have to make a curtesy call.’

‘First time sleeping on a bed better than a ship bunk that wasn’t a tent on the beach in…’ I looked to Nureyev. ‘It’s been a whole year right?’

He frowned, trying to convert different calendars in his head. ‘I think you boarded the Carte Blanche a year ago in nine days by the Martian calendar Juno, give or take a little.’ Nureyev looked back to Regina. ‘Can I help?’

‘Can you cook?’ She asked dubiously catching my eye as I vigorously shook my head and mouth _no_ at her. Nureyev slapped my shoulder. ‘You’re guests. How about you just sit down?’

While the others started talking I got a little stuck on that fact. If I boarded the Carte Blanche a year ago in nine days that means that Nureyev and I got together ( _back together?_ ) a year ago ten days from now. Was that the kind of thing Nureyev wanted to celebrate? He was more _romantic_ than me most of the time but half of it was as a joke because he liked seeing me blush. It was hard sometimes to spot the difference between that was just teasing and something he really cared about. It also meant we’d first met nearly three years ago. Even if a year of it was spent apart it still seemed like an impossible amount of time.

‘Juno?’ Nureyev’s fingers were lightly tracing the back of my head. ‘A monologue you need to share with the class?’ A twitch of the lips. This was just teasing, that I could tell.

‘No, just haven’t drank enough of this coffee yet,’ I covered, catching hold of the mug Regina had set down in front of me, and taking as big a mouthful as I could without scalding myself. ‘It’s great.’

Angie winked. ‘That’s the rocket-fuel additive I crush with the beans.’

‘You’ve learned the Martian traditional cuisines so well,’ I shot back.

Regina returned with food, interrupting a conversation Peter was having with Petra about what the best exhibit was in the Hyperion Museum of Natural History. I didn’t even bother to wonder why he knew the things he knew anymore. ‘So are you both spending your full two weeks in Hyperion?’

Nureyev fumbled his cutlery slightly and glanced at me for a rescue I did not have prepared. ‘Ah, well that’s the current plan,’ I stalled. ‘Honestly we only knew for sure we’d be here like a few minutes before messaging you so there hasn’t been that much time for planning.’ That didn’t sound good either, pull up Steel, pull up. ‘We don’t have to be in your hair the whole time, since we just landed in on you out of the blue, I’ve got a couple of errands to run since I’m home but really we…’ I tapped the toe of my shoe against Nureyev’s ankle for help the whole last run on sentence and he didn’t jump in. ‘Nuh…Peter?’

‘I agree,’ he said. Which made absolutely no fucking sense.

Regina looked baffled but Angie actually got up from the table and pretended to make more coffee to hide her laughing. If the Nureyev siblings weren’t so focused on trying to magically read each other’s minds across the table they probably would have noticed her gripping the countertop with her shoulders shaking. I wanted to ask her if there were room over there for two.

‘Well mama said she wasn’t going away again this month and mum has today off work so we could go to the museum and then I could show you why _you’re wrong,_ Uncle P,’ Petra finished her plate and shoved it away from her dramatically. Then she hesitated, looking between us. ‘Unless you’ve already been there?’

‘Not since I was your age probably,’ I admitted.

Everyone looked at Nureyev who hesitated just a tiny bit before glancing at Regina again. He looked like he thought this was a test. Hell if I knew if it was or not.

‘Yes, technically,’ he smiled. ‘But it was night time so the main lights were off and I didn’t get to see all the exhibits properly.’

I snorted and put my face in my hands. If this holiday honesty game kept going we were going to end up in trouble.

Petra’s eyes lit up. ‘What did you take?’

‘Actually I was putting something back…’

It was a good story. There were obvious bits left out but I don’t think any of it was completely untrue. Even when he isn’t trying to be honest, Nureyev always been good at things being technically true. This is more than though.

The craziest thing? We went to the museum. First we had the laziest breakfast I’ve had in a while, followed by Nureyev changing four times, and everyone squashing into Angie’s car. Somehow, despite being the second shortest adult I ended up with shotgun while Angie drove. The three in the backseat all talked so fast together it was hard to even understand them never mind get a word in edgewise. Angie looked back at them once or twice fondly but left them to it.

‘I don’t think I ever asked you what you did?’ It wasn’t the best conversation opener but I was quickly burning out on humans.

‘Do you didn’t,’ she grinned like maybe she was going to leave it mysterious. ‘I’m a security consultant.’ She laughed. ‘I get paid to tell people how to avoid thefts.’

Okay no, that was pretty funny. ‘Is the answer give you the day off to distract your family?’

Angie laughed again. ‘Sometimes.’ She sobered a little though. ‘Gina doesn’t work job in Hyperion unless it’s an emergency so…’

I raised my hands defensively. ‘Oh no, no, we’re not working any jobs at all right now and definitely not here, for…similar reasons I imagine.’

‘Okay then.’

And it was okay. The rest of the day was just like that. The closest thing that came to a problem was when a stranger in the crowd got too close to Petra and knocked her over. I saw Nureyev reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there so I grabbed his hand before he could touch the empty sheath and panic. Everything was fine.

Even that night, when we’d been in bed at least an hour and neither of us was asleep but neither of us wanted to point that out, it was okay. The tension in his shoulders, the quiver in Nureyev’s voice when he asked me, ‘it’s okay that we’re here, right Juno?’ That was okay too. It wasn’t easy, but we were going to be okay.


	2. Day 3: Peter

We woke up on the third morning we’d spent at my sister’s home in Hyperion City, aware that today would be a little different. The weekend was over, Petra had to go to school, Angela was expected at work, Regina had domestic errands to run and so we were going to run some errands for Juno for the day to give her some space. This was good.

It is possible that Juno and I had not thought this trip through entirely. I should never have imposed on my sister for such a long period of time. It’s possible we could come up with some excuse to leave earlier if things become awkward.

But planning for that, coming up with the reasons and exit strategies – felt like a kind of failure. Like I’d be betraying Regina by not trusting we can handle two weeks in her home after leaving her for two decades. I told myself again and again that Peter Nureyev was not that weak. There were even moments I believed me.

So when Juno had asked if I minded coming and helping him sort out an old storage locker before we met the infamous Mick Mercury for lunch, I was relieved to have a distraction. Even if Juno laughed at me and made me change twice before we left the apartment.

‘It’s a dusty storage container Peter, white silk is not a good idea you’ll thank me later.’

In the end I borrowed a shirt of Juno’s, a dark button-up that was a little short on me and slipped off one shoulder, but a knot at the bottom and it could be artful rather than ill-fitting. Juno complained that I didn’t have to pay attention to what I wore to look good – a high compliment if a wildly inaccurate one – but I knew he loved it when I wore his clothes. It brought out a mildly possessive side to Juno that was very attractive and meant he rarely took his hands off me.

All the changing and distracted kissing meant we were running a little late when leaving. Regina gave me a spare key so we could get back in case she was out shopping or picking up Petra when we got back. I froze up again when she handed it to me. Tried to tell myself that this was just an object, for a practical purpose and to stop attaching any unnecessary symbolism to it. Regina closed my fingers around it, wrapping both her hands around mine.

‘Listen, this is for you,’ she whispered. ‘I know once you’re working again and I’m working, it’s not like you’ll be around all the time but…’ Regina gave me a stern look. ‘We’re going to figure out how to be a family like grown ups not a some drama stream, okay? That means talking even when we’re bad at it and knowing that so long as this is my home, it’s yours too, when you want it. A lot of our lives is complicated, let’s have this be simple, yeah?’

I nodded, not trusting my voice or my words to produce anything satisfactory in that moment.

Regina laughed and wiped tears threatening the corners of her eyes. ‘Alright, enough of the amateur theatre hour, get out of here. I’ve got work to do and so do you.’

Juno had tactfully lingered near the front door pretending he hadn’t heard any of that but he did have his hand out for me to take the second I was near.

That how we walked through the busy, loud streets of Hyperion – hand in hand. We’d done this before of course but never here. Never after days so achingly domestic. I was afraid and I hated that I was afraid. Some part of me was desperate a police officer to recognise us or assassins to leap out of an alley just to give me something to pour this energy into. I decided it was best not to vocalise this particular thought. Not with Juno holding me so sweetly, seeming so relaxed, kissing my neck as we waited to cross the street.

We made it to the storage locker without such dramatic incident. Which was of course a good thing, I reminded myself, and my love had not been exaggerating about the layers of dust. I was suddenly very grateful for the borrowed shirt.

‘This seems like some of these things have been here quite a bit longer than a year, Juno.’ I couldn’t help feeling nosy.

‘You saw my old apartment, Nureyev,’ Juno snorted. ‘It was tiny and anyway people had a tendency of trying to kill me in it or rob me in it,’ that came with a grin for me I worked very hard not to kiss of his face. ‘So it made sense to get somewhere secure that people wouldn’t know about. Which was extra handy when I decided to take Buddy’s job.’

I found one of the vacuuming bots on a shelf that still had charge through some miracle and turned it on. Juno glared at its progress. ‘Rita got me that for one of my birthdays forgetting that I…’

‘…am a cave-dweller?’ I finished for him, dodging behind a high stack of boxes when Juno attempted to catch hold of me. ‘A sexy cave-dweller?’

‘That’s worse I think,’ but it made him laugh.

Juno knuckled down to the task of opening each box in turn and dumping a section of its contents into a container labelled ‘For Donation’. There was also just a trash bag for things he couldn’t remember why he’s kept in the first place. I was very little help beyond getting things down from the high shelf Juno couldn’t reach.

‘Then how did they get there?’

‘Mick.’

I also developed the unhelpful tendency of asking the story behind every second item I found. Mostly these were brief and Juno would shrug and tell me as he worked. Even finding the wedding dress only caused a moments pause as we both stopped to stare it down, me with curiosity and Juno with distaste. I knew about it theory of course. I knew of Juno previous engagement and a wedding called-off at the last second. He’d told me he’d kept the dress but never why. The conversation had been earlier in our relationship and I honestly hadn’t felt secure enough to ask, in case it turned out that Juno still had feelings for this Diamond. Later I realised that was ridiculous from the tone of things Juno said but then it’d never been the right moment to ask.

‘Whatever you’re thinking that isn’t why,’ Juno snorted and picked the dress up running a hand over the dark ivory lace.

‘I’m sure I wasn’t thinking anything at all my love,’ I snipped back, a little embarrassed, _again_.

‘You sure weren’t thinking anything very loudly then,’ he shot back, but in a softer tone than mine. ‘I don’t have any regrets, I’m not holding on to it because I wish… it’s going to sound stupid.’

‘I’m sure it won’t love.’

‘Spite,’ Juno looked down at the dress with annoyance again. ‘I think I mostly kept it out of spite. Because it was mine. It was mine I looked hot in it and why shouldn’t I get to keep it? You know? I pretended I was going to wear it to something else, God knows what, and told myself that for years. I almost brought the bloody thing to space with me just in case I could use it for a job even though it hasn’t fit since…’ his face creased again. ‘It hasn’t fit since I got off all the drugs and shit. Which is a good thing, I know.’ Juno shook his head fondly at me, predicting for the second time in as many minutes what I was going to say. Who else could do that to me?

Probably not even Regina, not anymore. Not yet.

‘That makes sense to me,’ I shrugged. ‘I understand the feeling of being possessive of something that other people make you feel like you shouldn’t have or even want. It’s not stupid. What do you want to do now?’

Juno tossed it at the ‘For Donation’ container. ‘To grow up I think.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Yeah,’ I had earned one dusty kiss and that was enough for me. ‘I’m sure. It’s time. Let someone else look hot in it.’

We only had another hour before we really needed to leave to meet Juno’s childhood friend, Mick Mercury. I was equal parts delighted and nervous to be handed another piece to the puzzle that is Juno Steel. After the wedding dress incident nothing else slowed us down to the same extent, not even a box of Benzaiten’s things that Juno did pause over and show to me. The pain was less jagged or raw in his voice than I expected. He’d come so far since that first day when Cecil had taunted him with Benzaiten’s death.

We’d cleared a great deal of space when I found the safe at the back of the room. It was quite a good quality model and would have cost Juno more than he was usually willing to spend. I could still have gotten in with some time and practise but it would keep most people out.

‘What’s this for?’ I asked, pointing at it and was surprised when he blushed a little.

‘That’s the safe I bought to replace…’ Juno bit his lip and I caught on, chuckling.

‘You really got this much of an upgrade to keep out little old me?’ I clasped a shook hand to my chest.

‘No, I just,’ Juno huffed and moved over to me to unlock it. When the heavy metal door swung open I was surprised to see very little in there. Some folders of documents stamped confidential. A small microchip in a plastic bag. And only on the top shelf a single slip of paper. He jerked his head between me and it, inviting me to take it.

It took me a moment to realise what I was looking at. My own handwriting. My own name. My first farewell to Juno Steel.

‘You kept it,’ all the teasing fled my voice. It always gave me a strange shiver of fear to sound so honest. ‘You got this safe…?

‘Well I was carrying it around with me,’ Juno studiously stared at his boots. ‘But after the next time I nearly got arrested I realised I probably shouldn’t have your name in my pocket if I ever got searched. Smart move would have been to destroy it, I nearly threw it away once, nearly fell out the window grabbing it back. So this was the better option…’ he glanced up and smiled softly. His fingers traced the outline of my cheek and my eyes had grown a bit watery. I put the note down carefully and wiped my eyes.

‘It’s very dusty in here,’ I mumbled and Juno let me away with it. ‘I suppose that’s everything. We should find somewhere to get freshened up before lunch, hmm?’ Juno closed the safe and made a vague agreeing sound. ‘What prompted you to clear out so much space anyway if you’re keeping the locker? You don’t own much on the Carte Blanche you can spare.’

Then it was his turn to mumble and my turn to let him away with it. So there was a reason. Juno would tell me when he was ready.

Remarkably it take didn’t long. We washed the dust off our hands and faces in the bathroom and Juno perched on the sink while I reapplied my makeup.

‘I thought we might need the space if we were going to be dropping by Hyperion more often than I thought when I left. You don’t have much you could leave there now but…’ I nearly dropped the mascara as I gawp at him. ‘Too much?’

I sniffed and shook my head. ‘Not too much at all, love.’

I wasn’t sure what to expect from a lunch with Mick Mercury. I knew quite a lot about him for a stranger. I’d seen pictures both as a child and as an adult. If they hadn’t been enough, I knew he was taller than Juno and while significantly less prone to violence still capable to putting the detective fairly forcefully “on his ass” as Juno put it. Since I’ve seen Juno fight I knew this mean Mick Mercury can certainly handle himself.

Which is were the stories all get a bit contradictory because to listen to Juno and Rita, Mick Mercury does not sound capable of handling himself at all. Or managing himself. Or living unsupervised most of the time. And yet he survived Oldtown to the age of 41 which is not a universal achievement.

We were a little late, but still managed to beat Mick to the restaurant not surprising Juno at all. So we got a table and Juno asked them not to bring us a drinks menu with an apologetic wince at me. I was about to say that it was only two in the afternoon and I hadn’t been planning on drinking anyway when the door opened and Juno startled upright.

The man who came in was close to me in height but much broader. Between the width of his shoulders and the strong, blocky cut to his features, this by all rights should have been an intimidating man but something in joyous openness of his smile or the cartoon ducks on his shirt ruined the effect. It was more than that though – I’d still been intimidated by Buddy even when she was giggling against the kitchen counter in her pyjamas. Mick Mercury, on the other hand, charged into a room with the same adorable but ill-fitting, reckless abandon as when very large dogs try to navigate very small spaces. 

This observation was proved particularly apt by the four tables he collided with on his way across to us. Juno groaned as if embarrassed by him but had also launched immediately to his feet to greet him so I wasn’t fooled. Juno let himself be enveloped in a bear hug the likes of which he would tolerate from very few people and despite his grumbling, he was grinning ear to ear when he sat down. I got off easy with an enthusiastic handshake. 

‘It’s very nice to finally meet you,’ I managed while waiting to get feeling back in my fingers. ‘Juno talks about you a lot.’

That, as was the intention, had Juno glaring sideways at me. ‘Yeah, yeah, with cautionary tales maybe, Mercury.’

‘Aw Jay-Jay, that’s sweet,’ Mick laughed.

I turned to Juno with eyes filled with delight. _Jay-Jay!_ He shook his head. ‘Don’t even think about it Nuh…Peter. Only Mick gets to call me that and that’s only because I’ve tried making him stop and it didn’t work.’

This was fun for later. Turning back to Mick I asked. ‘So what have we missed from Hyperion since leaving?’

That launched Mick into a somewhat confusing tirade of updates that clearly Juno understood more of than I did. During it we did manage to order food. I did catch that Valles Vicky’s had reopened which was nice to hear. Juno looked pleased too, his relationship with Victoria had seemed _complex_ but he had regretted her falling victim to the aftermath of “the Oldtown solution”. He shifted uncomfortably on hearing that Mick was still living in Newtown but Mick was quick to reassure him.

‘I’m not stupid, Jay, I know that there’s no way the shady stuff is over. But hell I lived in Oldtown for 40 years and it was all shady stuff. You know the second I see anyone looking like their bringing back mind control chips I’ll be on the comms, right?’

‘Yeah, Mick,’ Juno sighed. ‘I know. Sorry, I just worry.’

‘Wow, Jay,’ Mick blinked in surprise. ‘You just…huh. You know you said that out loud with your words right?’

What is important to point out at this juncture is that no matter what Juno Steel claims to the contrary I did not choke on my water or spit it across the table or anything of the like. I _may_ have coughed slightly in surprise and amusement but the rest is gross dramatization on the detective’s part.

‘Shut up Peter,’ Juno snapped without much bite. ‘Yeah Mercury out loud with my words like a grown up. Had to happen eventually, right?’

Mick nodded dumb-founded and then his open expression shuttered a little, looking Juno up and down. ‘Jay-Jay you’re not…’

‘No I’m not drinking,’ Juno snapped back obviously predicting the question before I could. ‘Are you?’ Then he winced, instantly regretting how that came out. ‘Sorry, Mick, I didn’t…’

But Mick was coming around the table for another hug. ‘Look at you Jay! Talking about feelings, sober, apologising without Sasha yelling at you first. Way to go! And also, no I’m not but thanks for checking in, pal.’

Juno pushed him back towards his seat with a fond smile. ‘Get away from me, that’s my quota on touchy feely crap for the rest of the day.’

‘I’m heart-broken to hear it,’ I couldn’t help adding.

‘Shush you, you know you don’t count,’ he stood and kissed the top of my head. ‘Listen I got to go powder my nose. You two think you can stay out of trouble while I’m gone?’ It honestly wasn’t clear which one of us that was more directed at.

Mick gave me a very difference look over when Juno walked away. It wasn’t unfriendly or threatening, just intent. He reminded me a little of Rita all times considered.

‘So you’re one of Jay’s space pirates,’ he asked when he was done.

That made me laugh. ‘I like to think I’m the only space pirate that gets called “Jay’s” but there are a few other thieves on the ship.’

‘So you’re living together already?’

‘Ah,’ that was an interesting question. ‘Technically we have our own quarters and we all live on the ship together, Rita included, so yes though perhaps not in the sense you’re implying?’ It wasn’t a very good answer but it was what I had.

It seemed enough for Mick, who nodded. ‘How do you get on with Rita?’

This was the real test question. ‘Very well. Rita’s a delight. I’ll admit I wasn’t sure what to make of her at first but it’s impossible not to grow fond of someone with that combination and volume of kindness, skill and enthusiasm. Besides which she does my nails better than I do, which is saying something. Even if it wasn’t for that though,’ _honesty, Peter, we are practising honesty and seeing what happens_. ‘I don’t think I could ever dislike someone who cared for Juno so well over the years when he wasn’t always interested in doing it himself.’

Mick hummed in agreement and his smile was back. ‘You’re not wrong, Peter.’

‘Did I pass?’ I joked.

‘No,’ Mick saw the surprise on my face and chuckled apologetically. ‘Sorry, no, I mean, only no because it wasn’t test you know? I’m always going to look for Juno but I learned a long time ago I can’t make his decisions for him. Juno’s going to what he thinks is right and he’s pretty smart so when he’s not actively trying to screw himself then it’ll probably be the right thing. Most of the time. Did that make sense?’

‘Actually yes.’

‘Besides I don’t need to worried because if you hurt Jay I’m pretty sure Rita could figure out how to make you the first human being that caught a computer virus or something.’

The memory of being trapped inside a robot body was a bit too fresh still for that joke to land as absurd as Mick intended but I smiled doggedly anyway. Luckily Juno returned then before the conversation could get anymore off the rails.

We got through lunch without incident and even walked Mick to his hoverbike after. It really didn’t look safe to drive at all but Juno look bizarrely delighted to see Mick riding it. Once he was out of sight, Juno gathered me up in his arms, practically lifting me off me feet and knocking the breath out of me.

Catching hold of his cheeks, I bent to kiss him wildly, ignoring the foot traffic parting around us, and slowly he lowered me back to me feet.

‘What was that about?’ I gasped, trying to get my breath back.

Juno gave me a very dangerous smile that made me want to get him alone as a matter of urgency. ‘It turns out seeing you relax in my city is a lot like seeing you wear my clothes. Both at the same time? How’s a lady supposed to manage?’

I looked at the time. ‘If we hurry, I think we can be back in the apartment before they’ve bring Petra home from school.’

We’ve moved through a city faster before, I’m sure, given our line of work. I couldn’t think of an example off the top of my head, but I’m certain it happened at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I hyperventilating over the finale? no no no no What would give you that idea? I'm just gonna sit here with my angsty domestic fluff that diverges further from canon with every passing day.
> 
> Also I know that wasn't enough Mick, he'll be in a later chapter too.


	3. Day 5: Juno

I think the weirdest thing about waking up at Regina and Angie’s place was how fast it stopped seeming weird. I’d long since gotten used to waking up with Nureyev. It was those rare mornings, when one of us got up very early or was still out on a job or one of us got too broody for company, that had become the exceptions to the rule. Hearing the noises of family outside our door wasn’t so strange or unheard either even if this door hid a different cast of characters than usual. But the sounds of the city, that had once been so familiar as to be nearly white noise, the absence of the engines meant that I waking up startled.

This particular morning, the fifth we’d spent here, this was doubly true. I woke up for a nightmare sweaty and scrambling for a blaster under the mattress that wasn’t there or on my bedside table either. I was still hunting for it in a panicked haze while Nureyev tried to catch hold off my flailing hands, whispering to me softly. As soon as I could register him there, the fight went out of me and I slumped against his shoulder.

This wasn’t the first morning one of us had woken up like this. Nureyev nearly rebroke his leg once launching himself out of the bed so fast it was practically a backwards somersault. I now had nightmares about the time one of my worse nightmares led to me punching Nureyev in the face as he tried to calm me. He told me a hundred times he was fine but I made him sleep in his own room for a week after that rather than risk doing it again. It was probably why he always tried to pin my arms first now, which was fair. We took turns reassuring each other that these things took time, that it’d be more messed up if we didn’t have nightmares after everything we’d seen and done, and most days that was enough. At least I hadn’t fucking hit him this time. Count your blessings, right?

Nureyev’s cool fingers brushing the damp hair away from my face was definitely a blessing to count.

‘You ready to say it out loud, love?’

I groaned but didn’t argue. We’d agreed months ago to do this, to tell each other what we’d dreamed to give it less power. We’d got it from an article Rita sent me that I immediately regretted sending on to Nureyev. He was right, it had been helping, but that didn’t make me hate it any less.

‘The night the Dark Matters robot attacked, we’d been talking over comms messages and then you stopped replying. I thought maybe you’d just fallen asleep but you’d literally just said you were bored and restless. So then I tried to call and you didn’t answer. It makes no sense but I just knew something was wrong. I tried to pretend I was being paranoid or needy, that I just missed you, but somehow I just knew. That’s why I already had my blaster out before I got to the infirmary.’ Nureyev smiled, kissing my cheek gently. I could see he couldn’t see the nightmarish element yet.

‘I’m not explaining this properly. I’ve had this dream a few times since then. It’s that moment after I call, I’m holding my comms and I know something is wrong, that you’re hurt and something is wrong, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m not blissful ignorant and I’m not there to help. I just know and I’m still useless.’ He isn’t smiling anymore but he does keep his face pressed lightly against my cheek. ‘This time the dream gets as far as me and my blaster going up the corridor towards the empty med bay. Because it’s a dream I know what _I_ know and know what dream me knows at the same time. So I know the med bay is empty, it’s taken you already, I’m too late but dream me doesn’t know that for sure yet and he has to look. He has to be sure. It just stretches on like that.’

I shudder and Nureyev holds me tighter as if to say _I’m right here_. ‘I’ve had similar dreams before, love, so I know that’s a horrible feeling.’ He whispered and I didn’t need to be psychic anymore to know we were both picturing an airlock door far under the Martian desert. ‘I’m sorry and I’m glad it’s over.’

Now that I’ve said it and Nureyev is so real and present under my hands I do feel better. Maybe someday I’ll stop dragging my heels for things I know will help me. Probably not but a lady can dream.

Poor choice of words.

I go shower before facing anyone, hoping to look less like I just ran 10km uphill. I think I managed a pretty convincing version of okay at breakfast and Nureyev picked up the slack. He was having a high energy day I could already tell. He got so bright it was almost too much to look at him and spoke faster and higher and sitting still was impossible. Vespa usually starting threatening him early when Nureyev got like this but it always made me want to reach out for him, be his kite-string until he came back down.

He caught me staring and laughed, smile like a star in the dark, and leaned in to kiss my neck quickly.

Regina made an exaggerated gagging sound and I gently nudged him away. This was the other thing about things days that had made the close quarters of the Carte Blanche tense on occasion.

‘I’m amazed Vespa never stabbed you two lovebirds,’ Regina groaned, as if she’d read my mind. ‘I’m getting cavities over here and I really can’t spare the teeth.’

‘Actually Vespa did stab me the day we met,’ I pulled up my shirt to show off the six inch scar on my stomach. ‘We got over it.’

‘Hey snap!’ Regina tugged at her sweater. The scars were pretty damn similar, though Regina’s was much older, Vespa’s technique obviously hadn’t changed much over the years. The scar was layered on top of more extensive marks up her left side.

Those scars were what finally brought Nureyev to stillness. Regina must have noticed her brother’s attention and fixed her clothes.

‘Anyway,’ I jumped in for a distraction. ‘Vespa threatens to gut Peter like twice a day and it’s the thought that counts, right?’

That got a laugh and Nureyev smile was back for a second before he replaced it with a very familiar snarl. ‘Ransom!’ He growled low, with a twang of a Rangian accent. ‘If I catch you and Steel in the supply cupboard one more time I don’t care what Buddy says I’m going use your guts to restring that stupid violin.’

‘That’s deeply creepy, hon, stop it,’ my sides hurt from laughing.

‘Why should I?’ He grumbled, still in Vespa’s voice, leaning in close again.

‘You want me thinking about Vespa when you kiss me?’ I jibed, still grinning, knowing I’d won.

‘An excellent point, my dear detective, and very well made too,’ Nureyev dropped the act with a grimace and sat back into his own chair.

‘Well as much as I love breakfast and a show,’ Angie finished her coffee. ‘I’ve got a lot to get through at work today and Petra, are you ready for school?’

‘Almost mum,’ she gobbled up the last of her breakfast and dashed back to her room.

While she got her stuff together, Angie stopped and looked at us. ‘Have you two got definite plans today?’

‘Not really,’ I admitted. We hadn’t been able to decide and Alessandra couldn’t meet until tomorrow. Some urgent work thing.

‘It’s just,’ she winced. ‘I hate to ask, because you’re on vacation, but you’ve worked with the Kanagawas before, in the mansion, right?’

My stomach sank. ‘Yes?’

‘You wouldn’t need to go near them!’ Angie hurried to assure me. ‘But I’ve got a few briefings today on an update we’re doing to their home security and the last time we did this is was a disaster because the blueprints they gave didn’t include a bunch of secret passageways they’d put in and one of our work crews fell into like a series of elaborate mechanical traps and…’ she groaned and rubbed her face. ‘Honestly if we didn’t so wildly overcharge them I wouldn’t have taken them back on as a client. Between your knowledge of the family and what I hear of Peter’s memory for building layouts, having you around for a couple of hours could save me a lot of headaches.’

I looked at Nureyev and was almost dismayed to see how eager he looked. I knew he liked to be useful and the lack of _direction_ in the vacation concerned him but… the Kanagawas, really?

‘No one who works for the family can know that either of us is involved though, or see us even,’ I clarified. ‘We’re not their favourite people.’

‘Speak for yourself, Junebug,’ Nureyev smirked. ‘I think Cecil rather liked me.’

And that was how we found ourselves back in Angie’s car on the way to her office across town. We got to drop Petra off at school first which was as surreal an experience as everything else we were doing lately. Nureyev was so in motion it was a miracle he didn’t vibrate right out of the seat.

Halfway to Angie’s office, he nearly did. He’d been twisting around to look at different windows for a few minutes when Nureyev whispered to me. ‘Be circumspect, detective, but I have seen the car behind us three times already this morning.’

Nerves tightening my throat I found a casual way to look. It was a pretty standard vehicle, dozens of its model on every street, with a family inside. They didn’t look like they were in pursuit. They looked like they were bored and stuck in traffic like the rest of us.

‘I saw it but,’ I approached careful. ‘I’m not sure they’re in pursuit. I think it’s just that we’re on the main road and they’re going this way.’

‘Maybe,’ Nureyev didn’t seem convinced.

‘We’ll keep our eyes open, okay?’

This wasn’t a great sign either. I’d been lucky to get through the day being let use the same alias. I wasn’t sure this and any proximately to Min Kanagawa, however removed, was a good idea but Nureyev hated it when I tried to manage him so I just hoped for the best.

We were fine at first, got through two meetings without too much fuss. Duke and Dahlia Rose had clean backgrounds, since Angstrom had never reported us to the police. Probably pride on his part but good luck for us regardless. So Duke and Dahlia were making a comeback for the day. This delighted Nureyev and he was naturally in the right mood for Duke’s personality anyway if he felt the need to have a role. He didn’t push it though and that was interesting. Lots of tired security system designers had questions about the Kanagawa mansion and how to survive it, we’d both managed it twice each.

So yeah, we’re doing pretty good until:

‘Juno? Steel! What are you doing here?’

We froze. The only people in the meeting room at that moment were me, Nureyev and Angie. Alessandra Strong was standing just outside the door though staring at me like I was a ghost. It took me a second to remember that while we’d exchanged some messages, the last time Alessandra had actually seen me I was trapped without radiation shielding in the Martian desert.

‘Nureyev, how do you know Juno?’ Alessandra asked closing the door behind her.

Nureyev flinched so hard he nearly knocked over a chair but then realised Alessandra wasn’t looking at him. She meant Angie.

‘Long story Strong,’ Angie tried to smile. ‘He’s kind here on the downlow so no more name shouting okay. Duke and Dahlia Rose here, are consulting on the Kanagawa retrofit.’

Alessandra blinked and seemed to be looking at Nureyev properly for the first time. He stretched out a hand and tried to smile calmly. ‘Duke, nice to meet you Detective Strong, I’ve heard a lot about you from Dahlia.’

‘Have you?’ She frowned. ‘Well I’ll probably deny some of it.’

‘Ha, ha, Strong,’ I clapped a hand against her arm. ‘It’s good to see you. And a day earlier than I thought. I guess this is your work thing?’

‘I’ve been doing a lot of consulting on traps, how to get out of them alive in particular so…’ Alessandra was giving me a serious look, trying to get a read on me and the situation before relaxing.

‘I’m good, Strong, seriously,’ I rolled my eyes. This was better and worse than Mick worrying I was the one going to fall off the wagon. Alessandra had more right in some ways, given the trouble I got her into and all she’d seen me do to myself, but it just meant I knew I’d have to work to convince her and that always made me feel like a zoo animal. It made me defensive, which made me grumpy, which made embarrass myself, which made me defensive again. ‘Deciding I want to live every day for a over a year now and it’s going pretty good.’

My choice of words made Nureyev flinch again and I’d apologise to him later for being flippant, but it was what Alessandra needed to hear. Angie was confused but her ability to spot something that was not her problem was powerful and I respected the hell out of it.

Like I guessed Alessandra laughed and punched my shoulder – harder than she needed to. ‘Alright Steel, I mean, Rose? Dahlia? You look good.’

‘Dahlia’s good until we’re out of here.’

‘And Duke,’ Alessandra dropped into an exaggerated stage whispered and winked. ‘This is _the guy_ right. The one you were pining –’

‘Okay ‘sandra,’ I cut across. ‘It’s been great to see you, can’t wait to catch up tomorrow, is your wife coming?’

Nureyev raised his hand. ‘I would like to hear more about this pining?’

‘You would!’

‘Stop shoving Strong at the door Dahlia, she’s meant to be in this meeting, and the rest will be here soon so let’s all get back in work mode, please?’

‘Whatever you say Nureyev.’ Alessandra snorted and found a seat.

All the pens were missing from the table. Now this wasn’t a big problem, even after the meeting started but people did think it was a little odd. I’m not sure even Angie realised it was Nureyev. If I thought he was fidgety at breakfast, it was a wonder he wasn’t pacing laps of the room now. Every time this happened I found myself staring at him wondering where he hid it all. And what were we going to do with that many pens when we got home. Afterwards I waited until he was distracted, telling an entirely invented version of his entrance and exit from the Kanagawa mansion to some staffers, before pulling Angie aside.

‘I need to get Peter out of here now.’ I didn’t offer any other explanation. I wasn’t sure how to explain it anyway. ‘Sorry.’

‘Sure, no problem,’ Angie waved my apology away. ‘You two are doing me the favour and you’ve been loads of help already. Get going, I’ll see you at dinner.’

Nureyev tossed himself carelessly into my arms when I approach, grinning that slightly airheaded Duke Rose smile. ‘News, Dahlia dearest?’

‘Absolutely, Rosie,’ I could still play along a little though. ‘We’re free to go.’

He pouted a little. ‘I was quite enjoying being a consultant.’

‘I’d quite enjoy getting going while the apartment is still empty for a few hours,’ was that a bit manipulative? Yes. Was it also the goddamn truth? Always. Did it work? Absolutely.

Out on the street, Nureyev swung between hurrying me along and getting handsy enough to significantly slow us down.

‘Maybe we should call a cab,’ I suggested glancing up and down the street. ‘I know it’s not all that far, and I love our walks, but if speed is the objective…’ I stopped, Nureyev wasn’t listening. He had tightened his fingers around my forearms and was staring over my shoulder.

‘What?’

‘Don’t move,’ Nureyev smiled again, leaning towards me like for a kiss. ‘But I’m almost positive I just saw the man from that car this morning duck into that café when I looked up.’

‘Damn it,’ I groaned. ‘You’re sure?’

His eyes went steely and I almost backtracked. He knew that I had to doubt him just a tiny bit on days like today. Not complete doubt, just a question mark in very small font. Nureyev hated it but I think he understood enough that he didn’t immediately start on some caustic barb. I watch him push that reaction down, take a slow breath and sigh.

‘I cannot be 100% sure, dearest,’ Nureyev admitted. ‘It’s a crowded street, I’d seen him once before in a moving car, and he was deliberately hiding. But I am confident I’m right, remember Juno, regardless of my demeanour, these are the instincts which have kept me alive throughout my career. I may not always be right, but I’m never acting without cause. _Please_ don’t second guess that.’

It was the please that did it for me. Always was. Wrapping my arms around Nureyev’s waist and span us around a little, lifting his feet off the sidewalk for the second. He gave me a huff of surprise, but picking up on my idea, started kissing my neck to give me a clear view past him down the street.

I saw _someone_. I didn’t know if it was the guy from this morning. I’d been more focused on Nureyev. It wasn’t obviously _not_ that guy though and Nureyev was right. He’d survived this long and I shouldn’t treat him like he’s unreliable.

‘Hmm, I see what you mean, I’m not sure either but better safe than sorry, ideas?’

Nureyev shoulders relaxed a little. I never would have noticed it before but I think he’d honestly been scared I’d dismiss him or that he’d have to argue more. We’d have to talk about that at some point. ‘We can’t risk leading anyone tailing us back to Regina’s family. We’ll need to take a more circuitous route, my love.’

‘I know this area well enough to take us the long way through some easy to get lost in spots, I assume you picked out your three surprise points of entry to the apartment building the day we arrived,’ I teased, taking his hand and leading him in the opposite direction than we’d planned on going.

‘Only two I’m afraid the security is quite good,’ Nureyev nuzzled into my hair, apparently oblivious to the other pedestrians around us. ‘And you really aren’t going to like either of them.’

That meant the roof. Great.

It took us an hour and in that whole time there was no other sign that anyone was following us. Maybe we’d lost them. Maybe they’d never there to start with. The last part was the worst. The jump from the neighbouring buildings fire escape to Regina’s building was only a few feet. I knew I could make it, especially with Nureyev waiting to catch and steady me on the other side.

But it was a long way down.

_Don’t look down, Steel, come on. Don’t look down. Look at Nureyev. He won’t let you fall. He won’t._

And he didn’t.

‘Fuck, Nureyev,’ I clutched at him at we clambered off the fire escape and into through the window of a stairwell. ‘Let’s not do that again okay?’

‘Don’t you trust me, detective?’ He was only teasing. I knew that, but I remember the hurt in his eyes when I doubted him earlier.

‘You think I’m jumping between the twenty-third floors of buildings into just any guy’s arms?’ Didn’t matter how many times I managed it, every time I made Nureyev laugh was a little victory.

‘I should certainly hope not, my love,’ he forced a pout passed his grin. ‘You know I get terribly jealous about that sort of thing.’

‘What? Don’t you trust me?’ That got me a kiss for my trouble.

Later, when we were curled up and a little out breath, taking a minute before running to shower before the others got home, that when I saw him doubt himself. He had been running those fingers across my shoulder lazily when he started to stared into space rather than at me, not that I was needy or anything, and he hand fell to his side.

‘Nureyev?’

‘I didn’t imagine it,’ he said. He wasn’t trying to convince me.

‘I never thought you _imagined_ it! The car was following behind us, there was a man lurking outside that shop, we don’t know for sure that we were being followed but…’ I shrugged. ‘Normally by the time you know for sure it’s already too late to do anything about, you know?’

‘This is the first time in many years where there isn’t anyone, that I know of, _actively_ pursuing me. There’s still a bounty on Brahma of course but nothing to suggest it’s gotten much attention recently.’ Nureyev frowned. ‘The rational response would be relief, wouldn’t it?’

‘But instead you’re even more on edge than usual because instead of being able to prepare for a threat you know about you’re wondering what’s the threat you just haven’t noticed yet?’ I asked and he looked pretty surprised but nodded. I could be insightful sometimes, I was a detective. ‘It’s the spider in the room problem.’

‘What?’ I’d lost him again.

‘Say you’re scared of spiders and you see one on the ceiling, it bothers you but it’s way over there and so you can ignore it. Then you look back up and the spider’s gone. On some level this should better, right? No more spider. Except you know the spider exists and now it could be anywhere.’

‘That actually makes a great deal of sense as an analogy, Juno.’

‘Don’t sound so surprised.’ I gave a feint impression of offense, then sighed. ‘It’s kind of sad that we can describe something depressing or troubling about ourselves and have the other go “oh yeah I know that”, isn’t it?’

Nureyev’s arms tightened around me. ‘Sometimes, love. I often wish life had treated you as well as you deserved.’

‘Some people would argue it has,’ I quipped but he was unamused. ‘Oh don’t look like that, don’t think I didn’t notice you leaving yourself out of that wish.’

‘I wish many things had gone differently in my life Juno, in the weaker moment, but…’ he shrugged. ‘The future is so fragile. The present could send it in an infinite directions. To change the past to avoid one hurt, who knows what other ones it would cause. Life has a cost. Perhaps hunting for the spider in the room is just the one I will have to pay on occasion. To life free, as I wish, and with you my love, it’s a price I’m happy with.’

Life free, as we wish, together. I could live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That finale eh? So this fic has now turned into necessary comfort in these trying times.
> 
> It's also where I trial my undiagnosed bipolar Nureyev head canon.


	4. Day 7: Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter of intensely hurt/comfort today because oi boy that finale, huh?
> 
> Extras warning = getting intimidated by police  
> \- Veiled References to Child Abuse in the form of Sarah Steel and Mag (sort of)  
> \- Argument about same in which the character all have their own opinions but since the people they're talking about are dead there isn't really a "right" answer

I overreacted but at least I had the good grace to do so quietly. When Regina explained that Angie had a work event and she had a dentist’s appointment that had clashed by accident and asked if we could entertain Petra for a few hours.

‘Absolutely,’ I smiled easily and then made a bit of a show of going to fix my hair and noticing I wasn’t wearing earrings. ‘Oops, one second.’ And fled back to the guest room.

I needed to get a grip quickly or Juno would know something was wrong. His concern for my wellbeing is of course very sweet and touching. As out of practise as I am with being cared for like that I’m not immune to its charms. However, if I was to attempt something as far out of my comfort zone as babysitting, then having my lady love casting me worried glances every time I speak a bit too quickly will be a great distraction.

I am aware that there are periods of time where I feel the urge to move faster, be more, see more, needed to be seen or completely unknowable with a greater deal of intensity than others. I can get caught up in the thrill of my work certainly. I don’t deny, either, I have made the occasional questionable decision during those times and that the general exhaustion that hits afterwards can be inconvenient. None of that means I need to be hovered over like a child. Especially not when I’m trying to prove I can actually be trusted with one. To myself as much as Regina, who apparently suffers from chronic over-faith in me.

Taking a slow breath I realised that while thinking through all that I had removed all my makeup and redone it from scratch for some reason. At least I’d included earrings so my excuse was covered but this likely meant I’d taken too long already.

True to form, Juno was on the verge of coming in as I attempted to leave.

‘Hello, my love,’ I smiled, making a conscious effort to calm my tone. ‘Sorry, had an attack of vanity, am I delaying things?’

Juno simply treated me to an unconvinced, anxious stare that as loath as I was to admit it, mostly it made me acutely aware of all the ways I could escape this building. A thought I immediately pushed aside in favour of rolling my eyes fondly as that seemed the less dramatic response.

I turned to Petra, who was watching us from upside-down hanging off the back of the sofa. ‘So what do you want to do today, angel?’

‘Well…’ she pretended to think about it but Regina’s knowing smirk said they’d already discussed it. ‘Do you like ice cream? Because my favourite ice cream is very good and I wouldn’t mind showing you.’ Petra said the last bit with a kind of fussy, aloofness that made Regina bite her fist and Juno snort. When Petra ran off on her toes to get her shoes I turned back to my partner.

‘Was that supposed to be me?’ Which only made him laugh harder, much to my confusion.

‘What?’ He grinned. ‘She thinks you’re cool. Just take it.’

So I did. Regina bid us farewell and she barely hesitated in the doorway when leaving us responsible for her daughter. Petra led the way to her favourite ice cream shop shortly afterwards. It was a fair distance, but we’d had been entrusted with Angie’s car for the day. Juno drove since he knew the city best and he complained that my driving was “death-defying” which I failed to see the problem with. Surely the problem begins when you’re no longer defying death.

Petra walked through the busy streets like a leaf falling off a tree. She was in constant motion, practically circling us while she talked, half the time walking backwards to face us and somehow rarely colliding with any passers-by. The second time she nearly span right off the sidewalk and I grabbed her at the last minute, Juno laughed at my panic and hoisted Petra onto his shoulders. She squealed with delight and grinned at me from her new position level with my height.

‘Ah now that you’re up here with me, you can appreciate my favourite view, Petra,’ I nudged her. ‘Looking down at Juno.’

She giggled and pulled a face. Juno snorted. ‘Nice, don’t pull the kid into you being a sap, Peter.’

‘The two most beautiful ladies in Hyperion are taking me out for ice cream, I’m allowed be sappy.’

‘Oh hush,’ he shot back in a rough approximation of my voice.

Going for ice cream is not a thrilling activity all by itself, but there was a simplicity to our outing I could get behind. I was worried I’d run out of things to talk to a seven-year-old about but Petra more than made up for any conversational shortfall. I’d been worried about that too, the first time Juno and I spent a long period of time together between jobs. Figuring out who we were together when no one had been shooting at us recently. As it turned out, I rather liked Juno at rest. I was less certain of myself but no one here was complaining yet.

Halfway back to the car, Juno realised he’d left his wallet on the counter when we’d left. He told us to go ahead and he’d catch up. A kiss on my cheek and he jogged off.

Alone on the street with Petra felt a great deal more exposed than with Juno. Luckily she didn’t seem to mind my hand on her shoulder while we walked so I knew I wouldn’t lose her. Getting to the car and pressing my back to it, so no one could get behind me, helped as well. My niece didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, though she did have that uncanny way of watching people sometimes that she could have only learned from Regina.

Juno was taking an awfully long time. I regretted not having us all double-back together but Petra had looked a little tired. She regaled me with her current plan to attach a static trapeze to her ceiling for training.

‘What have your mothers said about this?’

‘Well it’s a my birthday in a few weeks so I think I might try to ask them then.’

‘A cunning strategy,’ I agreed. ‘Timing is everything.’

There was a cop walking down the pavement towards us. I unconscious shift my weight to avoid facing him, focusing instead on Petra.

‘That’s what I thought,’ she beamed up at me then grew a little shy again. ‘Um… Do you think you might still be on Mars then?’

The pang of regret that shot through my chest wasn’t completely new to me but it was different. ‘I’m not sure, sweetheart. I might have to be back at work, but I could try and organise something on the comms with your mama?’

Before I got the chance to see if that dispelled any of the disappointment, I noticed the cop in my peripheral vision get much closer. He was clearly focused on us.

‘Is this your car, sir?’ The officer asked me in a level tone.

I straightened up, to avoid leaning on it anymore. I wonder what the safe answer here was.

‘No, sir,’ I decided it was too risky to try an easily proven lie with Petra here. ‘I’m just waiting for the driver.’

‘Can I see some identification please?’ He asked and I kept smiling despite the hammering sound my heart was making. I had dealt with hundreds of cops in my life and I’d even impersonated a couple but not today. Please not today.

‘Uncle Peter?’ Petra’s fingers curled through mine. Was she scared? Or did she sense my tension? I didn’t like that idea, neither that I was letting it show clearly enough that a child could see or that she felt she had to comfort me.

‘Can I see some ID please?’ The officer repeated, still largely unconcerned, but I knew all too well how quickly that could change.

But Petra had already said Peter and I only had one ID with Peter Ransom’s name on it that I’d made before meeting Buddy or her family. I handed it over.

‘Sir, this is out of date and registered to Ganymede?’ The officer frowned. ‘Can I see your passport?’

Ransom’s passport was back in the apartment, stupid, sloppy, careless. I should have given Duke Rose’s ID and claimed Peter was a nickname or something. At least it was Martian. I should have had new papers made up for this job. Except it wasn’t a job and…

‘Sir, can you step away from the car and let go of the child?’ Petra clung tighter and I froze.

_I froze._ Peter Nureyev doesn’t freeze.

‘Honey, is there a problem?’ Juno jogged towards us and then slowed significantly when he saw the tension between us and the officer. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I don’t have my passport with me, love,’ I grit out between my teeth. ‘There seems to be some confusion about that and my driver’s license is out of date, so’s the name. It still says Ransom because it’s from before the wedding.’ That was a slightly risky lie, but Juno and I often defaulted to married when in trouble as it made authority figures more comfortable.

‘Well here’s my ID officer, officer?’ Juno held it out cautiously.

‘Genoa.’

‘Officer Genoa, great, and as you can see I’m a Martian citizen so if you could stop scaring the shit out of my family over an old driver’s license that’d be great.’ Juno said it with a smile, but not a very friendly one.

The officer blinked at the ID. ‘Juno Steel? Everyone said you were dead.’

‘Surprise!’ Juno relaxed a little, moving a few steps more into the space between me and Petra and the officer. ‘Just got hitched instead. Bet nobody had that in the pool.’

‘Captain Kahn did,’ Officer Genoa admitted. ‘He’s going to lose it when he finds out you’re back.’

‘I bet, well tell him congratulations and I’m sorry. Won’t be in his hair long I swear. I’d love to chat but…’ Juno shrugged at us. The officer handed him his license and waved us off.

I’m not sure why, but I got into the back with Petra while Juno drove. I wasn’t quite ready to let go of her yet. She was a little shaken but seemed recovered and chatting about before me made it home. At the door I whispered to Juno that I needed to talk to Regina about it alone and he nodded.

My sister had beaten us there and was drinking tea on the tiny balcony when we came in. Juno made a point of asking Petra about her favourite toys and if she would show him, so that I could slip outside.

My expression worried her but since she’d just seen her daughter laughing and visibly unharmed she let me start at my own pace. At some point in the story I sat down and so did she. I couldn’t help curling in on myself a little.

‘I’m so sorry Reggie,’ I said, surprisingly breathless by the end. ‘It was so _stupid_! I should have better prepared. I’m just not used to not being able to fight or run. Those are my two default fall back plans but with Petra there…’

‘Hey, hey,’ Regina grabbed hold of my hands. ‘Peter, you did fine. Petra’s safe, you’re safe, and Juno had it covered. That’s what partners are for, to pick of the slack where we can’t? I should have thought to ask about your papers too. This...’ she sighed. ‘It’s not the first time something like this has happened lately. There’s been some tension recently with a lot of people getting out of the Outer Rim. The first generation growing up since the war ended and… well it’s not like you have a strong Brahmese accent anymore but something probably said Outer Rim to the cop. I should have warned you.’ She doesn’t sound angry, like I am now, or scared, like I was before, just tired. Regina looks up at me and to my surprise, she laughed.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ she covers her mouth until it stopped, hiccupping a little from suppressing the giggles. ‘I just…for a second there you looked.’ Regina grew a little sad. ‘That was the face you used to get looking up at the sky sometimes back home.’

_Back home_. Brahma. I didn’t use the word home to describe it often. A futile attempt at distancing on my part most likely.

‘What face?’

‘I don’t know,’ she considered it. ‘Chilly outrage? Like you’re trying to figure out just the right place to strike at the whole world and cut it into something better. It’s not a bad face!’

I listened to her but I didn’t recognise myself in her description at all. Regina’s image of me has always been a bit different from the one I had of myself.

‘I just froze,’ I hated the way I sounded, desperate and small. I was beginning to hate this entire experiment in honesty. They call it being vulnerable for a reason.

‘I dropped her.’

That caught me off guard. ‘Sorry, what?’

‘I dropped Petra as a baby,’ Regina shrugged. ‘She was three or four months old and Angie had just gone back to work. I was alone in our old shithole apartment, trying to do seven different things at once and she would cry every time I put her down so I was doing them all with only one arm free. Something started boiling over on the stove, I jumped up to fix it and I dropped her. Smack onto the kitchen tiles. I thought I’d killed her and rushed her to the clinic where a very kind nurse explained that when you first have kids this kind of thing is normal and everyone panics. I brought Petra home and sobbed hysterically until Angie came back from work.’ She looked up, probably at the look of bewilderment on my face and laughed. ‘You’re doing fine, this is normal, is what I mean. And kids are weirdly bouncy, very resilient.’

Well let it never be said my sister couldn’t make me laugh.

Despite Regina doing a lot to make me feel better, I’ll confess I was probably still noticeably brooding when Juno climbed into bed that evening. He snuggled in beside me and I pressed me face to Juno’s shoulder.

‘Nureyev?’ He started and I dreaded being assured again that I hadn’t done anything wrong. ‘We almost talked about this before but… why didn’t you want kids?’

I sat up. That was not what I had expected Juno to say. He always could surprise me. I was so surprised in fact that after a moment I realised he was still waiting for me to answer him.

‘Uh…’ I began inelegantly. ‘I’d never really entertained the idea. It would have seemed so ridiculous, given everything, I might as well have thought about whether I wanted to have wings.’

Juno snorted. ‘You really set me up for an angel joke there that you know I’ll feel bad about later.’

I slapped his shoulder but I was smiling. Being known by Juno, his teasing references to my past or our shared history had stung once, thrilling but unsettling like cold water shock, but now it was almost… nice?

‘Why do you ask, Juno?’

He shrugged. ‘I never thought I did, not saying I’ve changed my mind on that, I think I just realised that for the first time it’s more “I don’t think that it’s on the cards” rather than “I’d rather fling myself into the sun” you know?’

‘That seems,’ I struggled with the question I was actually trying to ask. ‘It surprises me I suppose that this change would come not during the time you owned your own business and had lived in the same apartment a shocking number of years but after you run away to become an interplanetary pirate?’

The relief when he laughed instead of getting defensive. ‘Sure Nureyev but that was never the problem, it was me.’ He gestured to himself. ‘And all the stuff I hadn’t worked out about Sarah and the things we have in common. When I still believed I was one bad day away from becoming Sarah Steel I didn’t even want to be left in a room with kids. You get it.’

I did, or I thought I did for moment. We’d discussed the process of removing Juno’s cybernetic eye and what he had gone through. I knew enough about Juno’s childhood to feel a little ill when I thought about it. Of course I understood how that might effect his views on the subject. However, the way he said “you get it” wasn’t a question, it was a statement. It felt like an assumption and I wasn’t even sure of what.

My uncertainty must have shown on my face because he pulled a face. ‘I promise I don’t think like that anymore, hon.’ When that didn’t register he sat up. ‘Did I say something wrong?’

‘I don’t know?’ Was the honest but unhelpful answer. ‘What made you say “you get it” like that?’

‘Oh!’ Juno breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I didn’t mean to imply that you think you’d turn into Mag or anything, just I know it’s hard to convince yourself you’re not stuck on some cycle of – ’

‘Juno.’ I cut him off, shoving myself away and to the edge of the bed where I felt less trapped in this conversation I’d didn’t want to be having. ‘I really think you’ve got the wrong idea.’ The sheets felt like restraints. I got out and paced around a little, desperate to be moving.

Juno sighed and clambered across the bed to kneel on it near me. ‘Nureyev, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth. But you just always seem to understand the impact Sarah had on me too well not to be a little self-aware about how Mag raised you.’

I furthered the distance between us like I could physically keep this conversation from touching me. ‘Juno, it’s not the same situation at all.’

‘You’ve talked yourself about what it was like!’

‘Because of how Brahma was, Juno! Probably still is.’ I was raising my voice. I hated raising my voice to Juno. ‘It was awful. Circumstances were dire. Mag didn’t create those problems.’

‘I understand – ’

‘No! You don’t!’ Frustration was making my throat feel like sandpaper. ‘You don’t know what it was to be a homeless child on the Outer Rim during the war!’ That was too self-pitying. I hated how the words sounded. How they tried to silence. How Juno shrunk in on himself a little as he climbed off the bad and moved towards me. I softened my voice again. ‘Sorry, you went through so much, I’m not trying to diminish that or the awfulness of Sarah’s abuse. The opposite. The hurts I suffered were varied, in a world that while I imagined better, I didn’t know better, so it didn’t feel personal. It wasn’t the betrayal of a parent who – ’

‘Nureyev,’ Juno sounded incredulous. ‘Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me you don’t know what it feels like to be betrayed by a parent?’ I couldn’t answer that which he knew and I resented it. ‘If it was me, if our roles were reversed here, you wouldn’t want me trying to convince you that someone hurting me was okay just because the situation was bad, would you?’ He moved a little closer, reaching out for me. ‘I don’t want me talking about Sarah to make you feel like you have to minimise the same bullshit with Mag.’

‘Stop.’ I hadn’t meant to snap. Hadn’t meant my voice to sound so raw. Hadn’t meant to pull away so sharply. But Juno dropped his hands to his sides and stepped out of my space instantly. I was angry but I loved him so much. ‘Please don’t make that comparison, Juno, I’ve asked you that before tonight and before in this conversation.’

He huffed a little but was clearly trying to stay even-keeled for my sake but his disagreement was all over his face. ‘I’m not claiming it’s the exact same, I just meant – ’

‘I know what you meant!’ I snapped again, I wrapped my arms around my chest to keep them from shaking. A deep breath made it easier to level out my tone. ‘I know what you mean, love, but you’re wrong and I keep telling you that and it’s hurts you don’t listen.’

‘I’m listening Nureyev,’ Juno sighed and moved to come closer but thought better of it. ‘But sometimes things you think are normal, not just you everyone, things from growing up you think are normal, are still really harmful. Even if you loved the person doing it, especially then and…’

‘Juno,’ I slumped onto the bed, pushing my hair out of my face. ‘This is why I say you’re not listening. Mag never hurt me.’ Juno opened his mouth but I shot him down with a glare. ‘He didn’t, Juno, not in the ways you keep implying. He wasn’t cruel or neglectful. He never raised a hand to me outside combat training. I was cared for and protected from the moment he found me. Yes, he trained me to fight and to steal from a young age but Brahma was, as I’ve said, a very dangerous place. I’m sorry, but far more dangerous than Hyperion. He gave me skills I needed to survive. Could Mag have done things differently in raising me? Yes. But I won’t condemn him for not being perfect in an imperfect situation, especially since he isn’t here to explain his side.’ The end choked on the way out and I hated how my eyes burned. I wanted to forget, I wanted to forget this whole conversation, some days I even wanted to forget Mag but that wasn’t my right.

‘He lied to you.’ Juno was still calmly unconvinced.

‘Yes, he did,’ I spat back through gritted teeth. ‘He was a liar but so am I and so are a lot of people that doesn’t make them monsters. And excuse me if I give him a free pass on lying since he stood there and let me _murder_ him for it! I believe that makes us even!’ I knew I was crying now, the stinging heat in my eyes grew watery, but I refused to acknowledge it. 

Juno tried to comfort me but I moved away.

‘That’s what you don’t understand about why this comparison hurts me so much, Juno,’ I whispered desperately, knowing that if I didn’t say this now I never would. ‘If you line up your life against mine as if they’re parallels, stories of family hurting family, do you understand that I’m not you or Benzaiten in that comparison? I’m Sarah in this story. Mag didn’t hurt me, I’m the one who killed my family. Then I abandoned Regina. Then I led her into a trap that nearly killed her. And I…’

Juno’s arms were around me as I shook. ‘I’m sorry,’ he sobbed into my hair. ‘I’m so sorry, Nureyev. I had no idea I made you feel like that. I don’t think you’re like that by the way but now really isn’t the time to argue with you so.’

‘Juno Steel losing an argument on purpose,’ I laughed damply. ‘I really must look a wreck.’

‘Postponing not losing,’ he pulled back enough that I could see that grin and he could wipe my tears away with calloused fingers. ‘You’re still too pretty for me forfeit altogether.’

‘There he is.’ I sighed and leaned against his shoulder. ‘Sometimes situations just aren’t comparable, Juno, and to try to do so would strip too much of the truth away. And I have so little truth I’m sure of that I don’t have any to spare.’

‘I get it now, I’m sorry,’ and he held me close until I wasn’t crying anymore. Close but not tightly, so that I could get away if I needed to. God he might not always listen, but he knew me far too well.

After a few minutes I went to get a glass of water and walk the unpleasantness off before bed. Regina sitting in the living room not far from our door nearly stopped my heart.

‘Well,’ I managed weakly. ‘How loud were we?’

‘Not as loud you’re afraid of right now, but louder than you would have liked,’ she answered enigmatically. ‘As in I heard half of it, but Angie and Petra are still asleep.’

Groaning like a child, I dragged myself into the kitchen. I was too dehydrated to fend off another person’s opinion of a dead thief who couldn’t speak for himself. I knew Regina was following, of course, but the activity gave me an excuse to ignore her.

‘I’m not sure either of you are right, for what it’s worth,’ she let me finish my first glass before speaking. I poured a second. ‘If you want an outside perspective.’

‘I’m not entirely sure that I do want it but I’ll take it.’

‘He wasn’t like what it sounds like Juno’s mother was, Angie’s parents too,’ Regina perched on the edge of the dining table. ‘I agree with you that he cared for you and hell I even believe he thought he was doing the right thing by lying to you. He was wrong but he believed it. I don’t think it was wrong of him to make you a good fighter or a good thief. That would hypocritical since I asked you to teach me those things. Childhood like Petra, or even really Juno and Angie, understands it was never an option for us or any kid around us. As bad as Angie’s home life was, and I’m guessing from context Juno’s too, they had roofs and schools and grocery stores and cities that halfway functioned. It’s not about better or worse, but the situations are so alien to each other, that’s why he doesn’t understand Mag’s actions and maybe never will. Angie tries to understand my life in relation her criminal upbringing but…’ she shook her head.

I wasn’t sure how absorb what Regina said. It made my skin crawl to consider even the implication of downplaying Juno’s struggles. I knew that wasn’t what she was saying but I couldn’t stop feeling that’s how it would sounded when I’d made this point earlier. And he had let me. And that made me feel sick.

‘But hey, Peter, you’re wrong to let Mag off the hook too. Juno didn’t see a smaller, skinnier Peter Nureyev first learn to go days without sleep for the job, or practise a trick again and again until his fingers blistered; but I did. Who asked you to push that hard? To have that kind of focus?’

‘I was young and overeager,’ I said dismissively. I was suddenly regretting eating so much at dinner. I’d been too uncomfortable to speak much and eating up taking seconds to cover for it. If we kept talking about Mag I was pretty sure I wasn’t keeping any of it down.

‘Tell me you never work yourself like that anymore.’ Regina raised an eyebrow. I opened my mouth to dispute it but… I hadn’t lied in this apartment yet and damned if she wouldn’t know. She always knew. ‘Tell me you don’t sometimes sit after a job and run over all the ways you weren’t good enough no matter how trivial, even when the job was a complete success. Tell me you don’t find some way a job going wrong was your fault even when it wasn’t even your part of the job?’

‘Enough,’ I groaned. ‘Point made, point made, Reggie, you can stop kicking.’

‘I’m not kicking you, you defensive prick,’ she huffed in frustration. ‘Look just listen to this one thing, really listen, and then go to bed already. Someone you love, who does and did many good things for you and maybe is overall still a net positive in your life, can do things that profoundly hurt you and gave you a bunch of issues. Mag saved your life and raised you, taught you so much. You’d probably be dead without him so the maths says it’s an overall positive on your life. But that maths doesn’t erase the harm he did you. The way it still affects you. You’re not betraying him by acknowledging that.’ Regina hesitated then reach for my hand. ‘You saved my life three times over, taught me so much, gave me a name, family, and you’re here now being a part of it again. You will always be a net positive to me. But you hurt me too. Getting left behind messed me up. Angie and me got married young and had Petra maybe too soon to be sensible all because I desperate to have a family again.’ She squeezed my fingers as the regret and shame obviously showed on my face. ‘I don’t regret marrying Angie and Petra’s the best thing to ever happen to me. Life is messy and complicated that way. I’ve forgiven you and I love you, but there’s evidence of the harm you did in the fabric of my life and that’s okay. It can okay for you too.’

It took my longer to pull myself back together this time. I was gone so long, curled around Regina at that table that Juno came looking for me, worried. By then I had cried more in 24 hours than I had in the previous few decades and I was just done. Exhausted, I let Juno steer me to bed. I could sense my brain wanting to go over everything Regina had said with a fine-toothed comb until it made sense to me but I just didn’t have the energy. Especially not wrapped in Juno’s arms with him whispering soothing nonsense into my hair. This was proving to be a strangely tiring vacation.


End file.
